Terrified To Move Forward, Terrified To Stand Still

Brand new adventures & projects are my favorite. A friend starting a new business, a company trying to boost their social media following or the possibility that I could probably paint my entire kitchen while my husband is backpacking in Alaska – these are all sweet little somethings that distract me from one BIG FAT ISSUE: I’m horribly terrified of actually putting myself out there. And this has only gotten worse with age. What the fuck is going on?!

This realization came to me last night, as a friend of mine was telling me about the their process of trying to get pregnant. (Stay with me here.) Both the idea of getting pregnant AND the thought of never getting pregnant scare the living daylights out of her. — This is EXACTLY how I feel about finding success online: building my business from the ground up, working from home on my own terms & ultimately retiring my husband. 
What if I do make it & I fall flat on my face, with EVERYONE watching?!What if I put in the work, day in & day out & never make it?
Terrified to move forward, terrified to stand still.

Sidebar: To my friend who’s trying to get pregnant, I promise I was listening to you & I can only imagine what you’re going through both mentally & physically. You’re amazing, I cannot wait to see the amazing mother that you will be & I truly don’t know what I’d do without you. 
After she left, I started to realize that I will do just about anything to avoid recording a personal video to my audience, write that blog post, send out that newsletter, etc, etc. Yes, I may prepare day in & day out. You bet your ass I have a fine looking website, business cards & all of the tools I need to succeed in the online world – AND I’VE HELPED OTHER PEOPLE DO IT – but when the time comes for me, myself & I, I choke. I tell myself that one thing or another needs to be tweaked, that I actually need to go in a completely different direction, or that – no, I’m not good enough to pursue this. And I know I’m not alone, so where does this all end & where do our empires begin?

Honestly? It starts here. I know it starts here. It starts by realizing that as long as you’re moving forward (not just rearranging things in the same place), you’re making progress. It starts by being aware that there is an issue, identifying the issue, & squashing it like the pathetic bug that it is. – And I say bug because I am completely freaked out by spiders & very scared of bees; the comparison is accurate. 

Terrified to move forward – because it’s a spider! Terrified to stand still – because you’ll be up all night thinking about it!

Am I to the point where I can squish spiders? Yes. When they are on the ceiling? No, but I will work my way up to this one step at a time. And for those of you out there who are truly in the middle of this right now – like myself – know that this post/video is just that first bug that I somehow was able to courageously cover with a cup until my husband can come assist me (or in this case my mom, who’s editing my work… Thank you Mom!). 

Your empire also starts with the realization that being terrified is getting you nowhere, & obviously standing still is getting you nowhere. Life will move forward regardless of the progress (or lack thereof) that you are making toward said empire. Life will change regardless, it all just depends on how much of a factor you want to play in the changes that lie ahead. 

The moral to the story is to find a way to be self aware, to be REAL with yourself – but not hard on yourself, & to ask for help when you need it. I know I’ve got this, you need to know you’ve got this too.  

So consider joining this little club I’ve just started by sharing your vulnerabilities, putting yourself out there & FINALLY going after what you’ve always wanted. 

Oh, and if you’re really up to the challenge, join the newsletter. 🙂