10 Questions Toward The Person Of Your Dreams

Ten years ago, if you would have asked me how I feel about the opinions of others, I would have told you that I really don’t care. I would have lied, not only because I was embarrassed that I cared so much, but because I was truly hurt by what was going on around me. I was bullied. I was pushed around. I was cast aside by friends who I thought I’d have beside me forever.

I was one lost little girl; certain that I would be a complete pushover forever. I was utterly terrified about the world around me & constantly asking myself, who can I trust? What I found between then & now is more than I can possibly put into words, but I’ve given it all I’ve got. Here are 10 Questions Toward Becoming The Person Of Your Dreams.

  1. What Would They Do?
    This may sound ass-backwards because, after all, you’re trying to become the amazing YOU that you’ve always wanted to become. That said, because you clearly aren’t there yet, you had to have gotten your ideas somewhere, right? So I started picturing who I want to be & how I want to hold myself. What is that person of my dreams made out of? Class, sophistication & a ‘there’s something about her’ air quickly had me picturing Blake Lively or Sophia Bush. And in each taxing situation I faced for a good few months, I would honestly ask myself, what would they do? Yes, I’m well aware that they are human, but this helped me to really stop & take a moment to shape myself for the future.
  2. What Examples Do I Want To Set?
    In moments of haste or frustration; in traffic or with an upset customer at work, it’s easy to lose your cool. Whether this person is freaking out over a small purchase or they are risking everyone’s lives on the freeway by texting or driving like they own the place, it’s incredibly difficult to stay classy. We want to protect people; we want to tell the ignorant exactly how it is or how they look to those around them, which I can completely sympathize with. That said, though, I consider who is sitting next to me in that car or who is standing next to me at work. How do I want them to remember me, or better yet, what examples do I want to set? And – whether it’s your children, coworkers, friends, etc. I not only want them to know that it’s okay – I want them to know that professionalism is important.
  3. Am I Getting Walked Over?
    There was a time when I truly could not decipher the difference between being walked all over & taking the high road. To me, I felt as though my taking the high road was letting them win & I was not having it. But, I’ve discovered that there is a difference. Taking the high road is NOT rolling over & playing dead. It’s time to consider whether or not you’re allowing yourself to be walked over or if you’re living your life your way.The best example I can think of is my approaching my employer for a raise. I knew my recently hired coworker was getting paid more than I, & that I would be responsible for training my incoming manager. After a glowing review, I was told that because I did not have a 4-year (but only a 2-year) degree, I would not be getting her same pay regardless of my working there a year longer & regardless of my training my new manager. I cannot tell you how difficult it was to not walk out right then, in fact, I almost did. I cannot tell you how difficult it was to pretend that I was fine when I was not in the slightest, but all I could think about were my coworkers & the dead halt I would leave them in. So I stayed. I trained my new manager & I left two months later.It SO sounds like I got walked over, but let’s review.

    LOW ROAD: Quitting & walking out that moment.
    HIGH ROAD: Training my manager, helping my innocent coworkers & leaving two months later.
    GETTING WALKED OVER: Training my manager & staying with that company for the rest of my life.
  4. Do I Care About The Thoughts Of Others?
    This one is HUGE. Often times, because of how much we care about what others think, we can get sucked into the ways of others looking for acceptance. Not only that, but we can actually convince ourselves that this way of life is better than the one we wanted originally. Stop & ask yourself what it is that YOU want. What kind of person do YOU see yourself being? This is YOUR life!! This is YOU becoming the person of YOUR DREAMS.The reason why I know all of this is because I’ve gone through it. I wanted people to like me, I wanted so badly to be accepted & loved that I allowed myself to transform into their vision of the perfect person. I even lied about liking things I really didn’t like. What a joke that was; what a joke I was.Be honest with yourself – the only opinions you should value our those of people you care about &, even then, consider what it is that you value about each opinion. No one is exactly the same. You’re going to have different values than friends & even family. THAT’s OKAY!! It’s time to live your life for you & for NO ONE ELSE.
  5. Are My Goals MINE?
    Whether you have a physical bucket list or one written on the back of your eyes, you need to consider where each of your goals have come from. Are they yours & yours alone or are these things to impress someone close to you? The easiest way to consider this is to picture yourself alone. If you didn’t have a boyfriend (or girlfriend), if you lived alone & life was just about you… would your goals be the same?I know, I know, when it comes to kids & a husband (or a wife) are involved, it’s tough. It’s not just about you – but, you should still have that separate list for you. You need something for you & you alone.My best example for this was when I went through the breakup of a lifetime & found myself face to face with my back burner bucket list. At least 1/3 of the bucket list items were ones that I’d made with him or for him. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. And, in the event that you do set a couple’s bucket list – separate them. Don’t let the man (or woman) of your dreams make the ultimate decision when it comes to you becoming the person of your dreams.
  6. Am I In A Rut?
    I’ve talked about “Ruts” before, & sometimes people don’t really even realize their in one. Just consider your life overall & how you’re feeling about it. Focus on it as a whole. Are you passionate about life? Are you happy? If you aren’t, then it may be time for a change. Consider what it is that you aren’t happy about or what in your life may need improvement.When I find myself needing a little more something, I always go sit on the beach or somewhere that’s beautiful & I just think; sometimes for hours. The refreshing air, the waves, the laughter around me – all of it allows me to focus on things that make me happy & this allows me to decide what it is that I need most in my life. Sometimes, it can also remind me of what I need to be thankful for as well.
  7. Do I Need To Set A “ME” Day?
    With all that goes on in our lives; between work, school, children, etc. life can get incredibly overwhelming. There ALWAYS needs to be time for YOU. Whether it’s once a week or once every two weeks, allow yourself to escape; allow yourself to focus on you.Several of my friends with children have told me that this simply isn’t possible with children – but it is. You need to give yourself permission, hire a baby sitter for a couple of hours & let yourself enjoy you. Just do it, you’ll be happy – promise.
  8. What’s Pulling Me Down?
    The person of your dreams, I’m sure, is not one that is weighed down. I truly believe that all of us have trouble letting go of the past. Whether we are afraid that history will repeat itself or we keep looking back wishing we’d done something different – so  many of us are allowing ourselves to sit in anger. LET GO. Learn & let go. It’s truly not worth it!The only way you’re really going to get to the person that you want to be is by learning from & letting go of your past. – Please, PLEASE, let yourself be happy again!! And, as you do, remember my favorite quote when it comes to the past:“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.” – Does the (you) person of your dreams say this?
  9. Who Is Pulling Me Down?
    This was probably the most difficult question I had to ask myself while making this transition, but rather ironically, it was the first one I found myself asking. Who is pulling me down? Because, let’s face it, most of us have friends who tend to bring us down. Whether it’s because they think they are better than us or they think negatively about the world around them, these friends can quite honestly be toxic for building the person that we want to be.I think this one was the hardest because I felt as though I was blaming someone else for my not being the person of my dreams that I always wanted to be. But, the more I thought about it, the more I considered a couple of the people in my life “enablers”. Because I protect my friends, & often give them advice, there were times when I needed it back & I was not given the time of day. I was approached with tough negative situations that I was told were “none of my business”. It was an ongoing circle of drama after drama & it just got to the point where I felt stressed & helpless. If I couldn’t use this stress to an advantage, then what was the point at all? I snapped. I walked out. And, in the end, the sun came out brighter & more beautiful than ever before.
  10. Am I Having Fun?
    If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 10 years, it’s that life is not worth living if you aren’t having fun. Becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be – that ultimate person of your dreams -should be fun, your kind of bold, & not something that is another addition to your job. It goes hand-in-hand with your goals being absolutely YOURS. If you aren’t having fun becoming this wonderful person, consider what it is that you don’t like & change it. Remember – this person should still be you!

So who is this person of your dreams? I’d really like to meet them. 🙂

Amy

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